Archive for the tag “self help”

Getting Results

Getting results in today’s hectic world is not easy. We have so many distractions from social media to television programs. It’s extremely easy to get off track and lose sight of your goals. With such busy lives, our personal goals become secondary, when they should be priorities.


In this age of instant information and the seeming need for instant gratification, we have forgotten that change takes time. And patience. And hard work. And persistence.


Just because a change seems simple, it does not mean that the results will come easily or quickly.


When setting your goals, be sure to include realistic time frames in which you wish to achieve results. This comes back to using Stepping Stones. And when the date comes around and you aren’t quite there yet? So what! Keep going. Don’t give up. You’ll never get results if you give up!


If you are consistently finding you are not reaching your goals, perhaps there are some personal changes you need to make. Are you a procrastinator? Have you not met your goal because you always find an excuse to work on something ‘more important’? It’s time to re-evaluate your goals and make them a priority. Perhaps you need help to make yourself accountable. Try a website like


Are you too busy planning your path? Do you feel like you aren’t getting anywhere? Sometimes we don’t realize we haven’t started working towards a goal, because we are too busy planning out how to achieve it. If you don’t actually take action to move forward, you will never get results. The planning and doing do not have to be mutually exclusive. Why not plan out your first few steps, take action on those steps, and continue to create your plans based on the outcomes of the initial steps? At least this way you are moving in the direction of your goal, and every step forward will encourage you to keep going.


Often we are afraid that we don’t know enough to achieve the goal, so we don’t start. We get stranded behind barriers of our own creation. Don’t let your fear hold you back. What’s the worst that can happen? No one ever accomplished anything if they didn’t at least try. Making mistakes is frequently the best way to find creative solutions to your challenges.


Keep in mind that the results you get might not be exactly the ones you expected. Life doesn’t always turn out as one plans for it to. It’s the unexpected results that often lead to the ‘good stuff’


Life Is Constant Learning

Let’s say you have decided to make a major life change in order to lead a happier and more satisfied life. You quit your job and move to the country. You are following your dream of growing your own fruits and vegetables to sustain your family, as well as to sell at the local market.


It’s been a stressful time. Big changes always are. You constantly doubt yourself and question if you did the right thing. You are taking all the steps you can think of to make your dream a reality. You have made a plan and you are going to see it through, weeds and all.


You know relatively little about growing produce on a larger scale, but are willing to learn. You have found a mentor and are working with them to grow your first crops. You are taking agricultural courses to increase your knowledge.


Now you are starting to feel good about your decision to change, and are more confident in your abilities as a farmer. Your first crops are planted; you tend them daily, and are anxiously awaiting your first harvest.


But nothing grows.


You water, weed and fertilize. You consult with your mentor and do research on the internet.


And still nothing grows.


Your doubts creep back in to your mind and your stress levels increase. What have I done? How could I have been so arrogant as to think I could make this happen? Why did I do this?


You begin to believe you have failed, but you couldn’t be more wrong.


When you take that first brave step into the great unknown, you have to remember 2 very important things: you had the courage to take the step in the first place, and it’s called the ‘unknown’ for a reason.


Even when you think you have planned for every contingency, covered every angle, and imagined every outcome, the world will still throw some surprises your way. How you handle these new challenges is what will make the difference along your path to achieving your goal.


When things go wrong, or not how you expected, always ask yourself ‘What can I learn from this?’. This is not the time to quit or give up on your dream.

In the example of trying to grow your own produce, you may learn:

This job requires patience.

Nature is complicated.

The soil needed better preparation.

You need to gain more experience and knowledge.


Every day we learn in more subtle ways, from activities as simple as a paper cut. It stings, and you would prefer not to have it happen again. You should be more careful next time. Life constantly tries to teach us knew things and provide us with new experiences. Actually applying those learnings is the key to success.


Be patient. Accept that nature has its own plan. Learn to prepare the soil properly. Help at another farm to gain experience. Be more careful when handling paper documents.


Think about the obstacles you are learning from on your journey to a more fulfilled life. Always be looking for ways to learn and grow. Be kind to yourself as you are your own worst critic. Sometimes the most important learning will be the realization that you are on the wrong path and need to take a different fork in the road.

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If Money Didn’t Matter

What did you want to be when you grew up? An astronaut? A nurse? A carnival clown? An explorer? A parent?


Remember when you were a child and you could imagine your future career in whatever field you wanted? Of course, that was back when you didn’t have the responsibilities you do today: keeping a roof over your head, food on the table, and generally paying the bills. Money didn’t matter.


It’s possible that what appealed to you when you were younger, does not appeal to you today. Being a biologist might have sounded cool when you were 8 years old, but once you took biology class and dissected your first frog, you may have decided it wasn’t really for you.


Are you working in the field you dreamed of? Maybe you are still working toward that goal. If not, why not? Unfortunately, ‘money’ is all too often the quick answer to that question. But this should not be the end of the conversation.


If you absolutely love your current job, that’s fantastic! Congratulations! If you don’t love your work, would you consider a change?


If money didn’t matter, what would you do with your life? Have a thought about that for a few minutes.


Perhaps you would be a rodeo cowboy. Now, are you going to quit your current job and head for the rodeo circuit tomorrow? Not likely. Is your dream profession something you could work towards by taking classes? Is it possible that you could compete in rodeo events on your days off from your regular job? Explore your options.


Maybe you determine that becoming a rodeo cowboy is not at all realistic. Take a moment to consider what about the role appeals to you. It could be something simple like working with animals or the adrenaline rush. Do you have those elements in your current job? Are there other jobs you could take where you could incorporate those elements?


Perhaps if money didn’t matter, you would donate your time to working with charitable organizations. You could start working on that dream very easily by helping out a few hours a month at a local food bank or donation centre. Make your dreams a priority in your own life.


When you were a child, perhaps you dreamed of being a ballerina. You could still become a ballerina today. Becoming a ballerina does not necessarily mean you must perform on the world stage. You could take ballet classes and perform in local productions. When looking at the elements of being a ballerina, you may find you just want to dance or perform. You could try other forms of dance, or even try acting.


Make some time over the next few days to think about what you wanted to be when you grew up, what you dreamed was your perfect job, and what you would do with your life if money didn’t matter. All of these questions will help you hone in on what changes you could make to help you live a more satisfied and happier life.


What childhood dreams are you pursuing? If the answer is none, why aren’t you? Start today!

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Get A Hobby

Our lives aren’t easy. We don’t get what we deserve every time. Opportunity ditches us, destiny plays hide and seek. Then negative thoughts creep in which, if allowed to stay for a while, turn into depression. Depression is one of the worst feelings to have. It surrounds us like a cocoon and suddenly we can’t feel the happiness, the excitement, and the blessings of life. Depression takes away our better judgment, makes us its slaves. Many of the accidental criminal incidents are actually caused by depressed people. Basically depression takes from us our lives and changes us into some different person we would never like to become. That’s why it is so important to get over depression; keep it out if possible.

As I mentioned earlier, depression comes from excessive negative thinking. So if you want to keep out depression you have to stop thinking negatively. Normally, we think negatively when nothing goes right in your lives. But in the time of problems, it is most important to think positively so that you could change your situation. In most cases, we don’t have much work to do in the troublesome times and a lot of time to spare and think negative craps. That’s why the best way to stop negative thinking is to cut the time for thinking. Do something. Get busy. You can always pick a hobby!

Hobbies are really great for your mental health. Hobbies give you joy and there’s always one thing or another to do when you have a hobby, which gives less time to think negative craps. You can have a pet or two. Get a dog or a cat may be. Get some birds if you love their vibrant colors and melodious chirping. Or perhaps you could commit to a community service as a hobby. Read to the elderly. Or you could pick something you love to do to kill your extra time. Cook, paint, do gardening. Be innovative.

When you commit to a hobby not only it keeps you busy but it uses some of your energy like exercises do. And it is always helpful for your mind if you have a sound body. And when you keep yourself busy, you wouldn’t even notice how quickly time will pass and everything will be normal again.

Things to remember:

  1. Pick a hobby according to your choice. Something that you’ll love to do.
  2. When you have a hobby, commit to it one hundred percent.
  3. If you decide to have pets then make sure you learn everything about how to take care of them. You can’t neglect them even for a short period of time, be sure of that.
  4. It’s great if you can convert your hobby to a source of income, doesn’t matter how little that is. For example, you can sell the birds if you have cage bird breeding as your hobby.


Try a hobby. It feels great and moreover it keeps depression well away. And a life without depression, without negative thoughts is bliss.

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The Art Of Forgiving

Everyone has a mortal enemy list. No matter how much you deny it, there are persons who piss you off even with their presence. There are persons you hate more than anything. There are persons you wish you had never met. But the problem is, you can’t undo the past and no matter what you do, you can’t reverse time and erase the reason for your hatred. So you are stuck with your hatred. You have to bear your hatred all your life. Or do you?

Hating somebody is like a heavy burden to your heart. It is painful. What sucks even more is that, the person you hate, most of the times; don’t give a damn about your hatred. Your hatred affects nobody but you. By hating somebody you give them more chance to hurt you again and again.

Your hatred can be justified. Let’s say, the people you hate deserve to be hated. Some of them have broken your heart, your trust and hurt you beyond your imagination. You are right, and they do deserve to be hated. But is it worth it if the hatred hurts only you? You have to let go your grudge. You must learn to forgive to bring peace to your mind.

Forgiving is a practice. It is not easy to forgive someone in the true sense. But it makes life so much easier. You can follow some steps which will help you forgive someone.

Steps of forgiving:

  1. Remember that the person who has wronged you is also subjected to errors. He/she made a terrible mistake but that doesn’t mean that he/she can’t be forgiven.
  2. Try to judge if your hatred is fully justified. May be there is another part of the story you don’t know. May be the person isn’t so bad after all. He/ she just made a bad decision.
  3. If someone indeed deserves your hatred, then that person definitely doesn’t deserve to be remembered. As long as you hate him, you can’t forget him. So forgive and forget.
  4. You forgive somebody doesn’t mean that you support their action or you forget what they did to you. You just accept the fact that they are not as perfect as you wished them to be.
  5. You remember that by forgiving someone you are not doing a favor to them. You are doing this for yourself.

Forgiving is the first step of moving on. Wounds heal when you move on. So let’s just forgive those silly little persons who never understood your worth and hurt you. In the end, it’s their loss that they don’t have such a wonderful person as you in their lives.

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Just Be Yourself

It’s funny how people always keep advising us on being ourselves. How can we ever be someone else? Whatever we do, we are always going to ourselves, right? As strange as it might sound but the truth is, it is possible to be someone else. Not in the physical sense but you can become a carbon copy of someone else in your attitude, your beliefs and your actions. Now you can ask if being someone else is a bad thing. There are loads of great and successful persons out there and how come it’s a bad thing wanting to be like them? In your answer let me as you something. Why do you want to be like somebody else when you can be your true self and be a great and successful person?

Imitating someone else is never a good decision. Because it gets really heard to bear the decision and there comes a time when you get frustrated. Shadowing someone else and their characteristics kills your potential. It makes you feel little about yourself. So why choose that path when you can spend the time to find out your inner self and cultivate the characteristics within you that you want to flourish?

Being true to yourself is all about knowing yourself and maximizing your potential. There are people out there who live a life unaware of the fact that the lives they are living- they don’t even want that. It is one of the worst things that can happen to you. So it is important to know who you are and what you want before you get along with the tides of life and forget yourself. But when you decide to be true to yourself, you can always choose which part of yourself you want to be. It’s all in you- the good, bad and ugly, compassionate, brilliant and selfish, the person who rises above all. You have the capacity to become the best in whichever side you may choose. It depends on you, your choices. You don’t have to imitate a popular person to be popular. You don’t have to try and be like someone you’d always idolized. You can be yourself and be better than the person you are trying to imitate. All you have to do is nourish the qualities in you.

An important part of being true to yourself is deciding which parts of yourself you want to be prominent. You have to be wise in that decision making because, since there are all sorts of potential in you, you don’t want the wrong part to flourish and end up in jail! Jokes apart, but what you choose should be based on what you believe is good because that’s what brings you inner peace.

Being a better person doesn’t include trying to imitate someone better. Being better includes cultivating the qualities you want to cultivate and make the most of them. That’s how you become the true you.

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Distraction Strategies

It is a proved fact that you can’t concentrate on more than one matter at a time. But it is also undeniable that there are times when we are stopped or confused due to negative thoughts clouding our minds. It is extremely important to distract your mind from negative thoughts in order to focus on what is important and what you should be doing.

Now, you realize that you have to stop thinking about the disturbing factor but how do you do that? Preventing negative thoughts need strategies and implementation of the strategies which are really simple once you get a hold of them.

  1. Keep your mind busy.
  • Make your shopping list for the day on your mind.
  • Count from 100 to 0 really fast.
  • Do some easy calculation. Calculate cost of groceries.
  • Say some tongue twister repeatedly like- She sells sea shells on the sea shore. Try again every time you make a mistake.
  • Are there lots of people in front of you? Try to guess their occupation. Who seems sick? Who lives where? Listen to what they are talking about.
  • Solve word puzzles. Consult dictionary if needed.
  • Try to remember the names of your classmates from your school. Write down the names you can recall.
  • Do you have any poem memorized? Good. Recite the poem.
  • Try to solve mathematical puzzles.
  • Do you love listening music? Listen to your favorite singer or album.
  • Do you draw? Then draw something funny.

2. Keep your body busy in work

  • Start walking to and fro.
  • Do some exercise- yoga, aerobics or any power training.
  • Clean the window glasses.
  • Wash your car or motorbike or whatever vehicle you own. Make it all shiny.
  • Clean your dirty clothes. Don’t use washing machine- clean them manually with your hands.
  • Go swimming. Swimming really helps to free your mind from tentions.
  • Just do anything that takes up all your energy and makes you tired. But take up only the works you can do.

3. Change the center of your thinking.

  • Tensed while shopping? Count the number of bottles, packets, and tins on a shelf.
  • Exam hall tension? Count the number of examinees in the hall. Who has a mustache? Who is wearing a funny dress?
  • Tensed about being admitted into the hospital? Count the number of beds. How many beds are empty? Who many beds are occupied? When these are done read your favorite book.

It’s not tough to master the ways to stop your mind from worrying. What you need to do is, understand and learn the ways properly. You have to practice these strategies regularly- these can’t be mastered in one day or a few days. You need to make time regularly to practice the strategies of distraction.

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How to challenge defective thoughts

In previous posts I’ve been discussing about the importance of letting go negative thoughts and worries. We can refer to all the thoughts that stop us or cause disturbance in our lives as ‘defective thoughts’. There is a certain system of overcoming defective thoughts by challenging them. Today we are going to discuss this challenging procedure with some examples.

  • Suppose, you have an interview or a presentation or some sort of performance/ public speaking event and you are thinking, “I can’t do this. What if I make a fool of myself? I can never face them after doing something stupid. It’ll be humiliating!”

Now comes the challenging part. Ask yourself if the matter is really troublesome. Is it as difficult as you are assuming it to be?

Everyone one makes mistake. Can a mistake from you make things so bad?

“It is really unfortunate and embarrassing.” This could be the answer that appears on your mind. But it could also appear to you that if what you are dreading happens in deed, then the chance of a real long time affecting disaster is very little.

“Am I sure that something big will happen?” ask yourself. After some thoughts, take a deep breath and slowly exhale with your mouth.

Now you have to try and think logically. It’s a practice actually. You have to practice analyzing a situation logically and eventually, problems would become easier to understand and you will be able to control your thoughts.

  • Sometimes it can be difficult for you to accept a new situation. It can happen when you play the blame game. Whatever happens in your life and surroundings, you blame it on someone else.


Ask yourself, “Is it really the person’s fault that bad things happened to you?” “Is he/she powerful enough to cause you so much trouble and pain?”

Sometimes, it’s better to accept something we can’t change. Because if you accept the situation, you can concentrate on facing it. Facing a painful situation is the only way to lessen the pain.

  • Controlling your worries is the primary goal of challenging defective thoughts. And when you challenge the thoughts, take the necessary measurements to solve the problem immediately. You can’t postpone it and take the chance of another mind change. Because your mind will change again, the fear and worries will try to creep their way back in.
  • Tell yourself that you can control the reasons of your worry, your fears. When you understand that your fear is illogical, divert your mind into conquering it.
  • When dreading facing someone or a situation, keep telling yourself, “Nobody is watching me.” “I am not going to collapse.” Repeat these kinds of self motivating lines.

Like everything else, practice is the key to challenge and defeat defective thoughts. So keep practicing, keep challenging your defective thoughts until none is left.


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Let Go Of Worries

So you love to worry. You worry about people you love, you worry about your work. No big deal, right? Everybody gets worried. It’s completely normal. Or is it? Perhaps it’s the over worrying you should be worried about!

There is nothing normal about anxiety disorder. If you really get worried about the simplest thing then you should take it seriously and try to overcome it. Anxiety disorder can arise from three sources. They are-

  1. Outer world. Everything related to outer world activities are known as realistic anxiety.
  2. Human behavior like love, anger, sex, etc. related anxiety.
  3. Super ego related anxiety.


According to Psychoanalysis theory, human’s upbringing plays vital role in developing anxiety disorder. Our personality is another vital reason behind it. But let’s not worry about that. We can’t change how we grew up and we can’t change who we are. We can’t reverse time and stop anxiety disorder before happening. What we can do, is fight it and control it before it controls us.

To fight anxiety disorder, first we have to know the symptoms. Well, the symptoms are pretty easy to detect. If you are suffering from anxiety disorder, you get worried about the simplest of thing. You get restless, and then you become afraid. You can’t sit on a place. You go on about the matter over and over. You keep people asking about it. You try to stop doing everything that makes you worried. Eventually you become frightened of normal day to day activities.

If your anxiety disorder is in advanced level, then you should definitely get some help from psychiatrists. But if it is not, then you can fight it with positive and rational thinking. Whenever you get worried, just go through the following steps.

  1. Ask yourself if your worry is really valid. Try to think rationally. There is always the chance that whatever you are worrying about isn’t actually something to be worried about.
  2. Sit on a spot. No matter how tough it is to sit still, don’t pace about.
  3. Tell yourself that by worrying, you are not helping anyone. You are just making situations complicated.
  4.  Keep yourself telling that if this situation was indeed worth worrying, then perhaps the person or matter you are worrying about, needs your help or needs adjusting. Now if you keep worrying, you won’t be able to think straight hence you won’t be able to solve the problem.
  5. Finally, make yourself busy. Do something. Do anything that keeps your mind away from worrying. Do something that needs your attention. Do the dishes or cook your favorite food. Listen to music or watch a movie. Just don’t allow your mind to ponder over the matter and make you all worried.


When you over worry, you lose control over your life. So fight anxiety disorder. Because you are not letting some stupid anxiety disorder, control your life.

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Learn To Appreciate Life

It’s a competitive world out there. Everyone here is running after one thing or another. Competition is good. It brings out the best in a person. But competitive thinking has done severe damage to us too. It has stopped us from appreciating life. We have become these success obsessed creatures who strive for greatness in life but forget to live. We don’t have time for life. Can you remember the last time you were amazed by the beauty of a butterfly? Or the setting sun? Sparking rainbows? Can you remember the last time you laughed as if there were no worries in the world? Can you remember the last time you were grateful for all that life has given you?

Life is a blessing itself. Yes, there are times when it doesn’t feel like a blessing. There are times when life becomes an unbearable burden. But you are alive, aren’t you? Believe in afterlife or not, you don’t know for sure what you are going to face once you are dead. You get only one life to live. That alone should be a reason good enough for you to appreciate it more. Besides life isn’t only about the stress, the race, success or whatever you strive. Life isn’t only about the pain or failure you can’t bear. Life is also about the innocent laughter of your friends when you do something foolish. Life is about the pride that brightens your children’s face when you solve a problem they couldn’t. Life is about the happiness that sparks on your mom’s eyes when you make it to the weekend family dinner. Life is about getting amazed by the beauties of nature. Life is about collecting every bit of happiness regardless of their source and savor them while you can. Because no matter how long it may seem, your race to succeed will stop someday. There will be a time when you won’t have something to look forward to and plenty of time to look back. It won’t help then if you try and can’t remember any moment that brought you joy.

Tips to get you started:

  1. Put family vacations, gatherings, and outings into your schedule. Schedules aren’t just for works. They are for managing your time properly. So incorporate your fun time with your work schedule.
  2. Take your personal commitments as seriously as your professional commitments. If you told somebody you’d be somewhere, then be there, on time.
  3. Take some time to think about what you loved doing as a child and do that. It may seem totally crazy, but it gave you happiness once didn’t it? It can bring happiness to you again. And you don’t know when you might meet the child you along the road!
  4. Keep your professional and personal life separated. Don’t let a stress from work ruin your wonderful time with your family and friends.
  5. Finally, if you can afford, then visit a poor country, and see for yourself that how much blessed you are to have the life you have now.

Life is too short to be whiney or indifferent about it. So live your life and love your live.

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