Letting Go Of Unhealthy Relationships
This year I’ve had the unfortunate experience of dealing with not one, but two very nasty people that were in my life. These people purposefully set out to control, bully and manipulate me. Slowly but surely wearing me down. It took me about 9 months before I was able to finally get these people out of my life. They came one after another, so that’s been 18 months where I have had to deal with abusive people.
I then started to read up on and do research on how to deal with these sorts of people. There were 6 main points.
- Avoid further conflict, don’t react to their bad behaviour.
- Tell them you’ve heard what they’ve said and will talk about it with them later once they have calmed down
- Be compassionate, know that they are coming from a place of fear and that people who are fearful often become nasty.
- Look at the role you have played in this interaction.
- Try to see things from their perspective.
- Walk away.
Then it hit me like a bolt of lightening. Why on earth should I be spending my time and energy dealing with other peoples’ on going bad behaviour? I realised then that I simply didn’t want these people in my life. I am a nice person, I care about others, I feel for other people and I try to help. While these are good qualities to have there are some people out there that take advantage of this. There are people out there that actively seek happy, cheerful, loving people and see just how much they can take from you, these people are often referred to as energy vampires. They will drain you of your energy.
These people have been scarred at a very deep level, more often than not they have had dysfunctional upbringings, their parents weren’t there for them, they didn’t get the love, support and encouragement that they needed to be a healthy functioning part of society. They attempt to make themselves feel better by bringing other people down. Their ego is so badly damaged and they lack confidence and self security, they bully and manipulate others as a way of making themselves feel better, feel stronger.
Having this insight, I can feel compassion towards them but we must maintain our own inner harmony. We must set for ourselves very clear boundaries as to what behaviour we will and won’t accept. When others overstep these boundaries we must let them know. It is ok to give them a second chance, but if we give them chance after chance after chance then they are just going to take advantage of our kindness. Eventually they will turn to manipulation, bullying and plan old nastiness if they don’t get their own way.
If you find yourself surrounded by people who aren’t supportive, who are’t loving, kind and caring then it’s time you simply get yourself some new friends. That is what I intend on doing next week. I am joining some new groups, I am getting involved in hobbies and activities that I’ve wanted to do for some time. Meeting new, like minded people and developing new, healthier relationships in your life is a priority.
Often people on the path of self development find that the friendships they used to have no longer serve them. We are progressing, we are becoming more aware and more conscious. They, on the other hand are not, they are stuck in their own negativity, their own drama. It is often the case that one day we realise that we are being held back by the people in our lives. We can thank them for the lessons, accepting that we came together for a reason, but people move on.
This also tends to happen when people start a family and have a baby and children to look after, if your friends don’t have children they cannot possibly understand how your priorities change, some just don’t understand that as a mother your child comes first and foremost and when your children are babies there is very little spare time. With that spare time you want to be around people who are fun and happy and supportive. Don’t feel bad about saying good bye to friendships that no longer serve you.
I try to keep my posts positive, I’m a happy, optimistic, positive person. Though I feel it is also necessary to share the not so good things that can happen in life. There will always be obstacles and challenges that we must face and overcome and if I am able to help other people get through these times more quickly and easily than I want to do that.
Take care of yourselves, don’t let others bring you down, take stock of the people you have in your life, nurture the relationships that bring you joy, let go of the ones that don’t. We often just get stuck in a rut with the same old people, let them go and bring new, happy, healthy people into your life.
Get your Mojo back.