Archive for the month “August, 2012”

How to Get What You Want – Part 1

There is unlimited potential for those who are passionate and motivated. 

Your life is created by your mind. Whatever you have in your life started off with a thought. Think about it. Your clothes, you bed, your education, your job, the house your in, the partner you’re with. All started with a thought.

What you think about is what you get. Your outer world reflects your inner world. Happy people know what they want and figure out how to get it. Unhappy people complain, worry and blame.

If you don’t know what you want, you can’t get there. You just go through life unconscious, on autopilot, going through the motions.

If you know what you want and are passionate about it. If your mind has something clear and tangible to focus on. You mind will start looking for and seeing how you can get what it is you want.

So what is it that you want?

Do you know what you want? Have you written your goals down? Do you focus on them and work towards them everyday? Most people don’t, and they can’t work out why they are unhappy. Firstly, they haven’t spent the time deciding what it is they want and secondly they don’t write it out. There are a few reasons why people don’t have goals, here they are below.

1. They haven’t been told about them. Do your family and friends talk about their values and their goals? Did your teachers at school tell you about them?

2. They don’t know how. They have never been taught what goals are, and hot to set specific goals. Goals that they want to achieve.

3. They hate goals. Goals have been forced upon them, they have been set for them by other people. They’ve been made to do things that other people want them to do.

4. They just wish and daydream. They don’t make clear, specific, well thought out goals.

5. They fear failure. They are scared to set goals incase they don’t teach them. Or incase they fail and it hurts them financially, or emotional. They’re too scared to want something in case they don’t get it.

6. They fear rejection. They fear other criticisms, judgements, they fear ridicule. People don’t like to see others do better than them. If your family are supportive that’s great. If not then don’t tell them about your goals. Unless you’re 100% sure the person you tell your goals to are going to be supportive and not criticize, then don’t tell them.

The first thing I want you to do now is take time out for yourself to sit down and write out what it is you want. In following posts I will go into more detail about how to write out specific goals that will change your life, in the meantime, get out a piece of paper, or write in your journal all the things you want. They don’t have to be in any particular order. Don’t censor them. They can be big or small. The point here is just to start.

 

Have a Mojo Day 🙂

 

 

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Overcoming Obstacles

On the road to accomplish your goal, you will encounter obstacles. How you deal with those challenges will make all the difference in your world.

What are your options?

You could just stop. Surrender. Let the obstacle defeat you. Give up on your goal. Give up on a happy and fulfilling life.

Or, you could accept that with change comes challenge. Accept that overcoming these obstacles is part of your growth and self-development on the path to the person you want to become, living the life you want to live.

You will come up against obstacles, and you will need to figure out how to go around, over, or through them. It is possible that you will be required to change your path entirely. There is nothing wrong with having to find another way to reach your goal, as long as you do take the action required to find that alternate path.

Do not let the challenge become the sole focus of your day. Sometimes the best solutions will come to you when you are not thinking about the problem.

Sleep on it. It’s amazing how the morning can give you a new perspective on the obstacle and open your mind to the possibilities that could solve the problem.

Ask for help if you need it. Talking about the challenge with someone who is supportive of the change you are making, or someone who has made the change themselves, could provide solutions you had not thought of.

Didn’t meet your weight loss goal of the week.

Didn’t pass a test in a course to further your education.

You have writers block.

Didn’t get the promotion.

Acknowledge that the week didn’t go as well as you would have liked, but take a moment to examine why this obstacle appeared in the first place.

Did you eat right and exercise every day?

Did you understand all the material?

Sometimes there will be no clear answer. That’s ok. Sometimes things just happen (or don’t). If there is an answer, be sure to work in into your goal path.

You didn’t understand all the material you were being tested on. Did you ask for help and clarification? Did you do everything you could to gain a better understanding?

The most important thing is not to get discouraged. Your biggest critic is you. Not succeeding does not mean that you failed. Maybe you need to make some tweaks to your plan.

You didn’t lose the amount of weight you wanted to this week. Maybe it’s time to make adjustments to your exercise routine.

Do focus on what you did accomplish. If you lost some of the weight, that’s still something. You didn’t pass the test, but you did sign up to take the course. You didn’t get the promotion, but at least you applied.

If you do start to feel defeated and think maybe you should quit, think about why you started making the change in the first place. Take inspiration from what you have already accomplished, and move forward. Accept the learning lessons presented to you in overcoming the obstacle and apply them to your goal path.

Life would be boring without the challenges.

 

Have a Mojo Day 🙂

The Pursuit of Happiness

Happiness. We wish for it, look for it, dream about it, and toast to it. We plan for it and we hope it comes our way. Some people try to buy it. We can be the cause of it for others. It can be created, and it should be nurtured.

Most often we are found pursuing it. But does anyone ever find happiness?

Perhaps it is not actually happiness we are pursuing, but joy.

Happiness is a state of contentment. Being happy is momentary. Happiness is affected by outside forces.

Joy, by comparison, comes from within. It is the elation that lasts. It is an underlying, good feeling that never seems to disappear. It is peacefulness in knowing you are satisfied with your life. Joy is a deeper feeling, not a passing emotion, and creates a greater sense of well-being.

When people speak of being truly happy and fulfilled in life, they most often mean that they have found the joy within themselves.

But how do you get from momentary happiness to lasting joy? The answer is simple to give, but can take time to achieve as it requires a change in habits. To find joy, you must be open to seeing all the little sparks of happiness, which combine to create an overall feeling of joy in your life.

Being successful, whatever that may mean to you, can make you happy and can also contribute to your joy.

Good fortune however, has nothing to do with it. The luck of winning a prize will give you a moment of happiness, but the feeling will fade.

Possessions are not where you will find joy. Too much effort is put into the accumulation of material things. An item may bring you brief happiness, but in the long term, will not bring you joy.

Not that any of the above items are necessarily bad things, but they are often the focus of our lives, and we miss the simple pleasures that are right in front of us that create true joy. We are too busy pursuing happiness, when what we truly aspire to achieve is joy.

Happiness comes and goes. People are pursuing that feeling, though it is fleeting. Joy is what lasts and will not be found in material success or wealth.

You can choose to be happy, and have a positive outlook. This choice will enable you to find happiness in your everyday life. Open your eyes and your mind to see all the simple moments in your day that create happiness: the smell of fresh coffee, the quiet of the morning air, the smile of your spouse, a hug from your child.

Now, think of these small moments combined, and feel the overall sense of joy and peace of mind.

Knowing what you are truly pursuing, seek out the sparks of happiness in your day. Sooner than you realize, you will find your joy.

 

Letting Go Of Unhealthy Relationships

This year I’ve had the unfortunate experience of dealing with not one, but two very nasty people that were in my life. These people purposefully set out to control, bully and manipulate me. Slowly but surely wearing me down. It took me about 9 months before I was able to finally get these people out of my life. They came one after another, so that’s been 18 months where I have had to deal with abusive people.

I then started to read up on and do research on how to deal with these sorts of people. There were 6 main points.

  • Avoid further conflict, don’t react to their bad behaviour.
  • Tell them you’ve heard what they’ve said and will talk about it with them later once they have calmed down
  • Be compassionate, know that they are coming from a place of fear and that people who are fearful often become nasty.
  • Look at the role you have played in this interaction.
  • Try to see things from their perspective.
  • Walk away.

Then it hit me like a bolt of lightening. Why on earth should I be spending my time and energy dealing with other peoples’ on going bad behaviour? I realised then that I simply didn’t want these people in my life. I am a nice person, I care about others, I feel for other people and I try to help. While these are good qualities to have there are some people out there that take advantage of this. There are people out there that actively seek happy, cheerful, loving people and see just how much they can take from you, these people are often referred to as energy vampires. They will drain you of your energy.

These people have been scarred at a very deep level, more often than not they have had dysfunctional upbringings, their parents weren’t there for them, they didn’t get the love, support and encouragement that they needed to be a healthy functioning part of society. They attempt to make themselves feel better by bringing other people down. Their ego is so badly damaged and they lack confidence and self security, they bully and manipulate others as a way of making themselves feel better, feel stronger.

Having this insight, I can feel compassion towards them but we must maintain our own inner harmony. We must set for ourselves very clear boundaries as to what behaviour we will and won’t accept. When others overstep these boundaries we must let them know. It is ok to give them a second chance, but if we give them chance after chance after chance then they are just going to take advantage of our kindness. Eventually they will turn to manipulation, bullying and plan old nastiness if they don’t get their own way.

If you find yourself surrounded by people who aren’t supportive, who are’t loving, kind and caring then it’s time you simply get yourself some new friends. That is what I intend on doing next week. I am joining some new groups, I am getting involved in hobbies and activities that I’ve wanted to do for some time. Meeting new, like minded people and developing new, healthier relationships in your life is a priority.

Often people on the path of self development find that the friendships they used to have no longer serve them. We are progressing, we are becoming more aware and more conscious. They, on the other hand are not, they are stuck in their own negativity, their own drama. It is often the case that one day we realise that we are being held back by the people in our lives. We can thank them for the lessons, accepting that we came together for a reason, but people move on.

This also tends to happen when people start a family and have a baby and children to look after, if your friends don’t have children they cannot possibly understand how your priorities change, some just don’t understand that as a mother your child comes first and foremost and when your children are babies there is very little spare time. With that spare time you want to be around people who are fun and happy and supportive. Don’t feel bad about saying good bye to friendships that no longer serve you.

I try to keep my posts positive, I’m a happy, optimistic, positive person. Though I feel it is also necessary to share the not so good things that can happen in life. There will always be obstacles and challenges that we must face and overcome and if I am able to help other people get through these times more quickly and easily than I want to do that.

Take care of yourselves, don’t let others bring you down, take stock of the people you have in your life, nurture the relationships that bring you joy, let go of the ones that don’t. We often just get stuck in a rut with the same old people, let them go and bring new, happy, healthy people into your life.

Get your Mojo back.

Make It A Great Day

“Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.” ~ Groucho Marx

How often do you tell someone ‘Have a great day’, or receive the sentiment yourself? It is a nice sentiment to offer, but it could be better.

‘Have a great day’ implies that you only hope the day goes well. You don’t anticipate having a bad day, but one never knows… You are only hoping the day goes as planned, but you are prepared for the worst. You are open to the idea that things will go wrong.

What if you improved your outlook a little, with only two words?

How about changing the phrase to ‘Make it a great day’? Does that not sound somewhat more inspiring? Somewhat more empowering even? It implies that the day is what you make it, so make it great.

Sure, you slept in, spilled coffee on your shirt, got stuck in traffic, and are late for work. It’s only 9am, and so far, it’s not looking like a great day. But because you are going to make it a great day, let the issues of the early morning go, and focus on how fantastic the rest of the day can be!

Even if at the end of it all, it seems like every single piece of your day was terrible, it’s how you choose to look at things that makes all the difference in the world.

This is the place, the proverbial line in the sand, where those with a positive attitude choose to make it a great day and be happy, and everyone else dwells on the fact that everything went wrong, and they are unhappy.

Start using the expression ‘Make it a great day’. Not only will it give you a positive outlook, but it will also give a positive vibe to those around you. Once you decide to embrace this motto, you will find yourself looking for the positive aspects in every part of your day.

Making it a great day is all about the little things that make you smile, make you feel good, and give you that happy feeling. It’s the little things that combine to create a big overall happiness. This could be something as simple as the plain old ham and cheese sandwich you eat for lunch tasting exceptionally good because you enjoyed it outside in the fresh air.

Maybe you make it a great day by doing something kind for someone else, such as giving up your seat on the bus for an elderly rider. Perhaps you love to cook, and you make it a great day by cooking a special dinner for your family using their favourite recipes.

You don’t have to wait until tomorrow to start having this new outlook. Do it today.

Have a Mojo Day 🙂

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